I felt extremely sad when I saw the images of the fire that engulfed Notre Dame’s cathedral a while back.

The amazing building with the unmistakable architecture that I saw in person during a day trip to Paris a few years back, was crumbling down in pieces as the fire was growing stronger. 

Really heartbroken.

And I wasn’t the only one, images of people crying and saddened by the loss hit all the media and networks. 

Why is it that we are so affected by the loss of a building? Why does it impact us even when it’s something that is so far away for some of us? Or even when it’s something that you haven’t seen in person? 

I can’t speak for others, only for what I felt. 

For me, it wasn’t the loss of a precious building, a fantastic architectural example, or all the relics that were lost inside. 

For me, the feeling of connection and loss was related to the memories that the building brought me. 

When I see Notre Dame’s cathedral I remember very clearly the feeling of happiness that I had when I was able to see it in person. 

I am from Spain, but I was never able to travel to Paris when I lived in Spain.

It was only after I moved to US that I had the opportunity to visit the city during a business trip with my company. It was just one day. But what a glorious day it was for me.

That one day I spent it walking all over the streets of Paris from early morning until late night. Twelve hours of walking on my own through Paris arrondissements, and all the sites I always wanted to see. 

I sat down at a café on the street to absorb the Parisian life, I stopped at a small shop to eat a warm crepe, I strolled along the Seine, and walked the small streets just as any other Parisian on a normal day. And the feeling of happiness, the excitement and amazement of finally being there stay with me forever. 

So, for me, when I saw Notre Dame crumbling down, my memory took me to that day in Paris. I felt again all the wonderful feelings of happiness, but now, I felt the lost. 

I realized that the view of Notre Dame is changed forever. And so, the image in my mind will not be repeated even if I visit it again.

The loss was personal for me because I related it to my personal experience. 

I believe that’s why you feel any loss so deeply. It’s not because of the material or physical loss but because of what you associated with that object or that person. 

When you lose something you like, when you lose a person you love, the feelings are related to the memories that you created with that object or that person. 

The loss brings to you suddenly all the great memories and moments you cherished and then it hits you that you will not be able to repeat those moments again. 

You feel the loss of the future moments that you will no longer have, and that’s what you experience and breaks your heart. 

The reality that there is nothing you can do now that will change the situation. 

The anguish of not being able to repeat those great memories. It all hits you and it makes you feel like you lost a piece of your soul. 

How do you deal with this heartbroken feeling? 

I don’t know about you, but one thing that helps me greatly to deal with the pain of losses is to reflect on the great times. 

Thinking about all the great memories that will stay with me forever help me greatly.

Another thing that helps me is to do everything I can to be fully present every moment I spent with someone. 

Doing my best and being fully myself with the people around me. 

Living without regrets of things that I should have done, or I should have said. 

That brings me relief when I think about the possibility of losing someone. 

I feel peaceful knowing that I did my best and it lessens the pain of the loss.

How about you, how do you deal with losses?

What are some of the tools you use to reduce the pain?

When was the last time you left a conversation with someone wishing you had said something else to him or her?

xoxo,

Sofia