Use this tip to avoid labeling others
Not too long ago my dad had to go through surgery and I decided to travel home to be with my family and surprise my parents.
I’m really glad I was there. Just to see the faces of my parents when I showed up unexpectedly was a treat.
My dad was so happy that instead of being worried for his surgery he was just elated. His exact words to me: “I am so happy that all of you were here, instead of feeling like a surgery it felt more like a celebration…”
That was enough to make my whole trip worthwhile…
But, in addition to that great feedback from my dad, I was glad to be back because I had the chance to reflect about family, relationships and myself.
During this trip I was able to share time with my sisters alone. Something we hadn’t done for a long time, since every time we meet for a holiday all of our husbands are with us, and we don’t get to just be alone.
This was great for me because it allowed me to remember parts of me that I had forgotten.
Is it just me, or do you also have very few memories from your childhood?
I don’t know why, but I have very few memories of me as a child. There are a few significant moments I remember, but in general I don’t remember much.
My mind is so blank that whenever my younger sister (to whom I lovingly call my personal USB) asks me something starting with “do you remember when…” I already know that I don’t. And…she gets upset with me because I don’t…
But, this time, instead of being wary about those questions, I was eager to hear what she was sharing because in the end, her memories help me building up mine.
Thanks to her memories, I recalled parts of me that I didn’t remember, I learnt that I was very creative, setting up our bedroom with whole scenarios for her and her friends to play with. I also learnt that I was brave and very protective defending her from the bullies…
From my older sister, I learnt that I was a very sensitive kid that I cried when I saw the crucifixion of Jesus on an old movie during Easter. I do remember this particular memory, but thanks to my sister, I was able to recall the whole scene, she detailed to me the exact movie scene and how old I was. And when she was giving me all those details, I felt a wave with all the emotions coming back to me, making me almost cry again…
Another thing that I learnt on this trip was to realize how each of us remembered a certain situation in different ways.
This made me think about how we all interpret the world based on our own filters. Even though we were all in the same household, each of us took the same situation differently.
And, I realized that me being right doesn’t necessarily mean that they are wrong… they can also be right, since we are all looking through our own lenses…
Have you ever been in this type of situation before?
Have you ever tried to convince someone that you were right about something when they were seeing the situation differently than you?
Well, maybe you should consider how each of you are seeing the world.
Maybe, there is the possibility that you are both correct…
Maybe, things are not just black or white…
Maybe, everything is just of different shades…
I don’t know about you, but for me this is a great relief.
The moment I realized that the world is not just black or white, it’s not just yes or no. I didn’t need to be just this or just that. I could change my mind depending on the situation and be ok with it. I didn’t need to be just one way…
This thought really liberated me.
When I realized that I can be sometimes shy and sometimes confident. That I can be sometimes extrovert and sometimes introvert. That sometimes I can be easygoing and sometimes I can be a pain in the you know what…
Before this realization I felt trapped because I didn’t know how to categorize myself. I thought I needed to find the right words that would categorically define me…
But luckily, there are no absolutes.
The world is full of colors and I can chose based on each situation how I want to show up.
So, I stopped defining myself with absolutes.
Am I confident? Sometimes.
Am I an extrovert? Sometimes.
Am I intelligent? Sometimes.
Am I this or am I that? Well, I am both, or I am none, depending on the situation…
How about you? Have you ever felt confined by a classification? Have you felt that you didn’t know how to define yourself? That you couldn’t find the right combination of words that would tell the world who you are?
I know I have, this is something I struggle with. Until recently.
I wasn’t sure how to answer these questions. Who am I? How do I show up in the world?
Until I realized that I was seeing myself with the wrong lenses. I was limiting myself.
I am not one thing, I am not just one way.
You are not one thing, you are not just one way.
Others are not one thing, they are not just one way…
Each of us is a combination of multiple characteristics, you are an amalgam of feelings and emotions, you are a set of different values, you are the result of many generations that came before you with their own feelings and emotions and characteristics, you are the result of all the influences around you, you are the result of your choices…
And all of that cannot be combined into few words…the words will change depending on the situation you are in. And that is very freeing.
This is a great tool to avoid categorizing others with labels.
Others are like you and me, they can be multiple things at once, and we shouldn’t be labeling them based on preconceived ideas.
Remember that we all have different lenses based on our different experiences and that we all see the world though those lenses.
So, I’d like for you to think about that. Have you tried to categorize yourself with a certain label? Have you tried to define yourself with a few words?
Have you been placing others in certain categories? Have you thought about “others” as being completely different from you? Are you able to look and acknowledge that there might be more things in common that things that set you apart from others?
Share your comments below and let me know your experience. I’d love to hear it!!
xoxo,
Sofia