Remember these two tips for having successful conversations
A while ago I was taking Uber to get to work in the mornings because I wasn't fully recovered from a vertigo episode and I wasn't confident to drive yet.
I had many different drivers that week, but there is one in particular that stood out, and not for a good reason…
First let me tell you that because of the vertigo, my brain was not in the best state, I felt out of place and I still couldn't move my head up and down without having some spinning going on. I was just hoping to get in the car, sit, relax and get a peaceful ride to work…
When I first got in, he asked me how I was feeling and I was honest, telling him that I wasn't feeling very good.
Then, to my fault, I asked him a couple of questions and ohhh boy… that’s all that it took for him to start talking non-stop for the whole ride…
He was so into his own, talking about something he was passionate about that he was also driving at a snail speed… the ride that would take me about half an hour, took him about 45 minutes, and I was feeling worse by the minute…
He went on and on, talking and talking and never even stopping to wonder if it was too much.
By the time he dropped me at the office, my brain was about to explode!
Then about a week after that experience, I had another Uber driver, and this one, was also memorable, but this time for a good reason.
This other driver picked me up in her car and she asked me, once I got in, if the temperature was ok or if it was too hot in the car. After I told her that I was fine, I settled in my sit, and I just proceed to chill out.
Again, I wasn't very chatty and I was hoping for a quiet and peaceful ride.
And this time, it happened.
She drove, asked me only once, mid-way on the trip, if I was ok with the temperature and that was it.
It was what I was expecting, and when the ride was over, I decided to tell her.
I thanked her for respecting my silence. She looked back and told me that that is what she normally does; she senses how her customers are and then she respects their boundaries.
Totally different experience!!!
Funny enough, both Uber drivers had the same description in their profile, both are great with conversations!
The difference is that one of them understood that a conversation is between two people and not just with yourself.
One of them had the empathy to know how I was feeling and modify her approach accordingly.
The other one, even though I told him that I wasn't feeling good, just went on with his own story not aware of my feelings.
Have you ever been talking to someone and notice that it doesn't matter what you say because they are not hearing you?
I know I’ve been in that situation many times (in both ends of the conversation...).
The main issue here is that we don’t learn how to listen. We tend to think that listening has to do with hearing the sound of a person and just being quiet.
But truthful listening, listening so that you are fully aware of the other person’s feelings is hard. It takes effort and practice.
It requires you to be empathetic and attentive. Sometimes it means to keep your opinions for yourself even though you want to share them.
Other times requires you to recognize that what you have to say at that time is not important to the other person. It requires humility and a desire to truly understand and connect with the person in front of you.
You need to tune in and feel the other person, put them first, make them feel heard.
Because you know how it feels not to be truly listened to, make an effort to provide others with the best experience whenever they talk to you.
Listen to them, fully, be present for them.
That is hard work!
In addition to learn how to truly listen, I also realized, with these two different Uber experiences, that to have successful conversations with others I need to be clear on what is that I’m expecting when I’m meeting someone or getting into some new situations.
I need to ensure the other person is aware of my expectations.
You cannot assume someone understands you just because you mentioned just once how you feel.
Remember that you cannot change how the other person is behaving. You can only change yourself.
So, be clear with what you expect, all the time, with everyone, even with yourself!
Most of the arguments and misunderstandings are caused because you are not clear with what you were expecting, and the other person wasn't either.
So, for a successful conversation:
When you are the one on the other side of the conversation (when you are the Uber driver) you need to learn how to listen. They will be the most grateful passengers and they will remember you forever and for a good reason!!
When you are the passenger on that ride, you need to learn how to set your expectations!
Now tell me, have you ever felt truly listened by someone? How did it make you feel?
What are some tools you use to listen well? Have you ever got into an argument because you weren’t clear on your expectations? Or felt frustrated with yourself because you didn't meet your own expectations?
Share below your thoughts and let me know how are you doing!
xoxo,
Sofia