How to improve your reactions when you are under stress

A few weeks ago, on my way to dancing class I suddenly saw a woman standing in the middle of the road looking down at something that was lying on the middle of the two lanes. 

At first, I didn't realize what it was. Then I saw it, a small size dog, lying on his side, trying to stand up…

I stopped my car and turned on the hazard lights. All the cars behind me stopped. Then the truck on my left also stopped, so we were all at halt, just looking at what was in front of us. 

I stood there for a little while and in my mind I was thinking, what do I do? Do I get out and help? Do I continue to my class? 

Then I realized that if I continue driving and ignore the women and the dog, I wouldn't feel good with myself afterwards. I had to do something, I didn't know what that something was exactly, but I had to do whatever that something meant in that situation.

So, I put my car in parking, and I got out. I went to the woman and the little dog, and she told me that a car just hit her and then continued driving. 

I looked down and reached out to pet the small dog, she didn't have any signs on the outside of being injured, but she was obviously having some issues standing up and some blood was trickling down her mouth. 

Then a man came out of his car and helped us moving her to the sidewalk and out of the road. 

I decided that I needed to get my car out of the way and let the traffic flow again, so I moved my car and parked it on a side street before I went again to pet the dog.

The woman that found her was with another friend and I asked them if they knew of any veterinary clinic near by since I was not familiar with that area. 

Finally, they decided to take a piece of fabric they had in their car and wrap the dog and take it to the vet. They knew a clinic near by. 

I was so grateful that they took her with them. I was so grateful that they decided to stop and not leave the doggie behind in the middle of the road. 

I didn’t do much, except for giving the idea of the vet to the woman, pet the little doggie and help moving her out of the road. But, I was at peace with myself because I stopped and tried to help somehow.

I don't know if the doggie will make it, but at least I know that if she doesn't, she will not suffer all alone in the middle of the road. 

After this happened, I started thinking about the different reactions that people have under stressful situations. 

What would you do in a situation like that? 

Of course, we all like to think that we would do what is considered the right thing, correct?

But, there are many studies that show the opposite and just a couple of days ago I listened to a very interesting podcast that talked about this same thing. 

In this podcast that Jordan Harbinger did with David Roeske, they talked about the case of the mountaineer David Sharp, a British climber who lost his life climbing Mount Everest. It is reported that as many as 40 climbers passed him while he was in distress, some of them over him, but nobody helped him. 

You might be thinking, seriously?

Sadly, this is not an isolated case; there have been experiments and studies about this type of behavior, which has been named as the “bystander effect”. 

The bystander effect is a dynamic where there are a sufficient number of other people around to help, so each person assumes the others will take care of the problem. What normally happens, as a result, is that nobody ends up helping the person in distress. 

So, we all think we would stop and help, but would we really?  

You’ll only know when that time comes.  

But, what can you do now so you behave following your own values when that situation shows up? 

What can you do so you don't react out of stress and instead you respond according to your values?  

I think what we can do is to know first what we value. 

In my little story with the injured dog, I knew that I wouldn't feel good if I just drive away. I knew my values and what type of behavior would align with them, and leaving was not in aligment. 

The first step to avoid reacting in stress is to know what do you stand for. 

What are your values? Do you value safety first? Do you value helping others? Do you value achievement? Do you value friendship? 

Make a list and know your guiding values. 

Then, the second step is to start imagining different situations using your values as a filter and see what type of behavior would align with your beliefs.

Think in advance, be prepared and know how you’ll feel if you do or if you don't do something. 

Only by practicing we can train our reactions. 

That’s what all the first responders do, the firefighters, police force, and all the military personnel. They all train for any type of possible scenario they might encounter. They don't leave their reactions to luck. 

That is what you do when you think about being prepared in case of a natural disaster, you know where to evacuate, or were to hide, you know your emergency numbers and what to do. You prepare in advance. 

Why don't you do the same with a possible stressful situation? You’ll feel empowered when you do it and you’ll have a sense of reassurance that you can handle whatever is that will happen. 

I like to think about this quote that has been attributed to Archilochus “We don't rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.” 

So, why not training to improve your reactions when you are under stress so you don't regret your behavior afterwards? 

Now, let me hear from you, have you ever faced a difficult situation where you had to react quickly and you didn't know how? Did you follow your values? Or did you wait and see how others would react? 

Let me know your thoughts below, I’d love to hear from you!

xoxo,

Sofia