Three tips to help you persuade others towards change
Lately I have been thinking about INFLUENCE. I’ve been thinking about how I can motivate, ENCOURAGE and ultimately get someone to do something.
Have you ever felt frustrated because you see someone you care for not doing what you know (and they know) they should be doing to improve, to feel better, to become their best selves?
Is there anyone close to you that you desperately want them to CHANGE some habit that you know is hindering them from growing, but you don't know how to make them see it?
How can you help someone take OWNERSHIP and action and start taking steps towards change?
All of this frustration in wanting to help others is what keeps me interested in coaching and mentoring. It’s what keeps me reading and learning more about teaching, about how we learn, about influence, about enrollment and about engagement.
It’s a fascinating subject, because if you are able to master it, you literally will be impacting the lives of those around you by getting them to take action.
So, how do you do it? How do you get someone to buy into an idea? How do you convince someone to take action when they’ve been resistant in the past?
Well, if I had the perfect answer, I’d be rich by now. I don't have the perfect answer, or the perfect formula that works magically for all of us.
Influence is complicated; we humans are complicated, so there is never a one-answer-fits-all kind of thing.
But, I share here what I think it’s important to start practicing if you want to influence someone.
Show that you care.
To start making an impression on those around you, you need to establish a CONNECTION with them. And to establish that connection, you need to build TRUST, you need to build a RELATIONSHIP.
As Theodore Roosevelt famously said and John Maxwell utilizes in all his descriptions of leadership, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
So, for you to be able to share your knowledge, insights or story, first you need to show that you care for your audience. You need to show your interest in them, listen to their needs and be generous.
A great way to learn how to influence others is following the advice that Dale Carnegie provided in his book “How to win friends and influence people”.
His first tip was to become genuinely interested in others. Show others how much you care first.
The second tip in Dale Carnegie’s book was to smile.
Simple. SMILE more. Show up in the world with a genuine smile and you’ll find that the world smile back at you more.
The other tips in his book, are about making the people in front of you feel IMPORTANT, by LISTENING to them with intention, by remembering their name and by paying attention to know what is that they are interested in. In summary, showing them how much you care…
Be authentic.
Another important aspect of establishing a connection with others is to show up authentically and fully as YOU. Being ORIGINAL, vulnerable and without fake masks.
Because when you show up with a fake intention, others can feel it. And the trust is broken.
I was listening to an interview with Jason Harris the other day, where he was talking about his book “The soulful art of persuasion”. Great book by the way! In it he mentioned the idea of being original. The idea that we should be AUTHENTIC and embrace our weirdness to connect with others.
I really agree with his idea, because when you try to be someone else, eventually it’ll catch up with you. People can feel the dissonance and by then you already missed the opportunity to build trust and connection.
You cannot gain trust with fakeness.
So, as you see so far, showing that you care and being yourself are the two main ideas that can connect you to those that you are trying to influence.
But, what happens once you’ve established the trust and connection?
How do you get the people to buy into your ideas? How do you make them commit to action?
Make them take ownership.
One of the main ideas for making sure that people takes action is to ensure that they take ownership of the idea.
People don't like to be told what to do. They want to feel that it was their idea. So, the secret sauce is being able to make others buy into your ideas by creating OWNERSHIP.
And how do you go about that? One of the models that help with setting up this framework is the GROW model.
With the use of this model in a conversation, you can set up the stage for ENROLLMENT. You can get the people in front of you to identify their own actions and make the decisions needed for change.
By asking the right QUESTIONS, you will be able to ENGAGE the people into finding their own solutions.
The four steps in the GROW model are for Goal, Current Reality, Options (or Obstacles), Will (or Way forward).
When you have a conversation using this model, the first step is to identify the goal to be accomplished. Once you know the goal, you look at where you are with respect to that goal (current reality) and then you can explore the different options and obstacles that you might find in order to reach it. In the final step you establish the will, you prepare for the obstacles that can come your way and you commit.
The important step when using this model to convince or coach others is to NOT GIVE ADVICE. This framework is more powerful when you are able to ask powerful questions that make the person in front of you think about their own situation, their own obstacles and options and their own solutions.
Give others ownership.
So there you have it. Three tips to help you persuade others towards change.
Show that you care.
Be authentic.
Make them take ownership.
As you probably know, it’s not an easy task.
It requires PATIENCE and LOVE on your side. It requires UNDERSTANDING of the person in front of you.
It requires EMPATHY. It requires CARING.
It requires you to be AUTHENTIC. It requires you to SHOW UP fully.
And it requires you to BELIEVE in the person in front of you.
They will get it. One day. On their own schedule. Don't give up on them. Show them you care.
Now tell me, have you come across someone that you think would benefit from changing something but you don’t know how to make them commit to change? Have you ever tried the GROW model to coach others?
Share below your thoughts, I’d love to hear them!!
xoxo,
Sofia