8 positive nuggets of wisdom I wished I received growing up

I have been thinking about my childhood and what are the things I wished someone had told me when I was growing up. 

Maybe you’ve thought before about the type of advice you received when you were growing up. And I am sure some of the advice was great and empowering but I am also pretty certain that some of it was, let’s say, less than desirable…

There are lot of things that we hear when we are growing up that make a huge impact on our future self. More than we know. 

And of course, the problem is that we don’t know what the impact will be in the future while the advice is being given, so we dismiss it or brush it out like it doesn’t have any importance or like it doesn’t matter. Or even worst, we take it fully as it is given without questioning it or filtering and we let it affect our psyche for the rest of our lives.

We get to realize (hopefully), after years of making the same type of mistakes, that some of our issues are because we believed something that someone told us when we were small (or not so small) and we never questioned it.

On the other hand, there are plenty of good advice or beliefs that if they were to be shared more often with other human beings, it would create a wave of positive impact in the world because they are empowering beliefs that help develop resilient, loving and capable humans. 

What are some of those beliefs or advice that I’d wish someone had shared with me when I was growing up? I identified eight of what I call positive nuggets of wisdom that I wish I knew earlier. 

1- It’s ok to express your feelings, good and bad:

Do you remember any instance when you were a kid and you were told to stop crying, or don’t shout, or stop feeling a certain way, or you were laughed at because you were too sensitive or too loud, or too quiet? Sadly there are many times when we are told that expressing our feelings is wrong. It is not exactly said to us like that. It’s way more subtle, but still have the same effect. We grow up without knowing how to express what we feel. We don’t have the emotional bandwidth to experience the full range of feelings and we believe that is best if we don’t express them out. We feel ashamed if we feel depressed, or anxious or even excited and proud. I wish I was told that is ok for me to feel whichever way I feel. I wish I was taught all the words to express my feelings and to learn how to sit with them without judgment or shame. 

2 - Know that your emotions are temporary and you can choose them:

Once you learn that is ok to feel whatever is that you are feeling, I wish someone had told me “this will pass eventually”. There is power in knowing that your feelings are temporary. It might take you one minute or one full year to get over something, but eventually it’ll pass and you’ll feel better. So I wish someone had told me that whenever I was in the middle of a struggle. I wish someone had explained to me earlier in life that I can choose how I want to feel once I go through my feelings and I acknowledge them. That the best way for me to move forward is through experiencing fully whatever it is and then choosing how I want to feel once I overcome my experience.

3- Don’t compare yourself to others, each person is unique:

You should only compare yourself to the version of who you want to be. Don’t compare yourself to other’s measures of success,  achievement or growth. Do you need role models? Of course. But what you don’t need is to put yourself down because you are not some like other person out there. Measuring yourself against someone else’s ruler is nonsense. Each of us has unique circumstances and we should only be preoccupied with looking at our own growth. 

4- Believe in yourself:

Oh this one…probably we heard at one point or another growing up that we need to believe in ourselves, but are we given the freedom to do that? How many times have we’ve been questioned when we made a choice? Or critiqued because we were taking a path that is not what it “should” be? Or told that things might not work? Or do things because “I tell you so”? We are told to believe in ourselves but we are not given the autonomy and the support to actually do it. 

5- It’s ok to fail:

Failure! How I wish someone had told me I needed to be good at failing! Wouldn’t it be great if someone had removed the stigma of making mistakes? If someone had told you to stop trying to be a perfectionist? If someone had shared that each failure is a learning opportunity and not a character flaw? We can see this so often all around us when someone keeps on calling themselves a “failure”, making it their identity instead of recognizing that failing and being a failure are completely different things…

6 - Focus on the work you put in, not the final goal:

I totally messed this one growing up. The focus at home was about having good grades, to get the A in class…And I did that for sure, but did I learn as much as I was supposed to? Sadly, nope, I didn’t. I was so focused on getting the grades that I crammed information, studied at the last minute, and memorized without understanding, instead of focusing on learning and growing. I wish I had someone telling me that the growth is in the process not in the final achievement! 

7- Stop pleasing others:

I am a people pleaser, are you one too? I learned very early to keep the peace at home by making others happy. And I wished that someone had taught me how to keep my boundaries. Learning how to make yourself happy and learning when to say no to others whenever they are taking advantage of your goodness is so important to your personal development! We are told during our childhood that we shouldn’t be selfish, that we need to take care of others, worry about others, help everyone. But not many people tell you when you are growing up that you need to take care of yourself first! And when you grow up, you feel drained and finally start doing it, you can’t avoid feeling guilty…how much easier would it be if we teach kids to understand their personal boundaries and to be empowered when they keep them?

8- You are enough:

The most important for last…This one is the underlaying belief that causes all the other behaviors…and is not that you are told that you are not enough, but you interpret it as such after all the little things that happen to you daily. You change who you are to make sure that others love you and accept you. You don’t share your opinions because you don’t think they are worth it. You keep yourself small to fit in the mold other people made for you. You compare yourself to others to measure up. You judge others and believe they are better than you. You let others tell you what to think because they know better. You aim for perfection to hide that fact that you are not enough…Wouldn’t it be so much easier if you believed that you are enough? You would stop all the comparison, judgment and pretending. You wouldn’t feel the need to explain yourself constantly or to prove anything to anyone…

These are the 8 positive nuggets of wisdom I wished I had heard earlier in life. Luckily, is never too late to learn and start changing! What are your thoughts on this? What do you wish you would have known earlier in life? What are some of the beliefs you think we should teach to everyone? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to know! 

xoxo,

Sofia